Putin’s Ninth Death and Other Fairy Tales from the West
MediaMatters | Gajanan Khergamker
Ah, the Western media is at it again! If you had a dollar for every time Vladimir Putin was declared "dead," "dying," or "seriously ill," you could probably fund the next NATO summit. The man has supposedly succumbed to cancer, Parkinson’s, a botched assassination, and—most creatively—a mysterious double replacing him while the real Putin languishes in a cryogenic chamber somewhere under the Kremlin. At this rate, he has had more resurrections than a Marvel superhero.
The latest whispers from the ever-reliable sources in Ukraine and their echo chambers in the Western press suggest that Putin is really dying this time. No, really! Trust them. Forget the fact that he’s still chairing meetings, greeting world leaders, and giving speeches. That’s obviously CGI or, as some claim, "one of his doubles." The Kremlin, after all, has an unlimited supply of bald, steely-eyed KGB lookalikes waiting to fill in when the real one is out wrestling bears.
Of course, this entire charade is not about Putin himself—it’s about keeping the propaganda machine well-oiled. The formula is simple:
1. Announce Putin’s imminent demise.
2. Predict absolute chaos in Russia.
3. Wait for the global markets to shake a little.
4. Rinse and repeat when nothing actually happens.
The US and Ukraine seem to believe that if they keep saying he’s dying, maybe one day it will magically come true—kind of like wishing on a star, but with CIA memos. The problem? Putin doesn’t seem to have read the script. He just keeps showing up—annoyingly healthy, smiling, and making geopolitical moves that confound his detractors.
The irony is delicious: the same people who spent years accusing Russia of spreading disinformation are now writing fanfics about Putin’s last breath. The so-called intelligence sources pushing these rumors have about as much credibility as a horoscope column, yet the headlines keep coming. “Putin’s Health Worsens!” “Secret Kremlin Power Struggle!” “Is This the End of Putin?” And when none of it comes true? Crickets.
Meanwhile, Joe Biden looks like he needs a nap after every speech, but we’re told he’s sharp as ever. His occasional encounters with gravity, vacant stares, and habitual loss of train of thought are dismissed as "right-wing exaggerations." His acts of secrecy over his own health—dodging questions about cognitive tests and conveniently skipping detailed medical reports—are, of course, nothing to worry about. "Fit as a fiddle," they declare, as he meanders off stage, only to be gently guided back like a grandpa who mistook the kitchen for the front yard.
But wait! The real story, according to the US media, is not Biden—it’s Trump! The same outlets that perform Olympic-level mental gymnastics to ignore Biden’s frailties are suddenly deeply concerned about Trump’s medical records. "Why is Trump hiding his health status?" they ask, furrowing their brows in feigned alarm. Apparently, not broadcasting every cholesterol level and knee reflex test is now a national security threat. CNN is one investigative report away from suggesting Trump’s tie length is hiding a neck brace.
Yes, Putin is dying, Trump is definitely hiding something, and Biden is a vision of vitality. Welcome to the world of Western media, where reality takes a backseat to whatever narrative needs selling today.
(MediaMatters is a regular column by Gajanan Khergamker on media trends across the world written cynically, stoically, funnily even celebratorily but always Without Prejudice)
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